Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John all tell the story of Jesus being anointed by a woman with oil (identified as Mary Magdalene in some accounts), and she is rebuked for it (by Judas in John’s account). Still, some details don’t seem to harmonize across all four Gospel accounts. Are they different events but with similar actions, or in the same event with conflicting information?

Introducing the differences:
For the most part, they seem like the same event. Luke’s account doesn’t even name the woman or specify the location (it simply states that it was at the house of “Simon the Pharisee”), so it seems the most out of sync. Matthew and Mark say that this event happened in Bethany and at the house of “Simon the Leper.” John doesn’t mention Simon the Leper; he simply states that this is all happening at a dinner with Lazarus and his sisters, Mary and Martha. 

One could argue that Lazarus, Martha, and Mary all lived with “Simon the Leper”. In John’s account, Mary is criticized by Judas specifically; however, in Matthew and Mark, the disciples are all guilty of criticizing Mary. Perhaps Mark and Matthew either don’t know Mary’s critic is Judas or are simply leaving his identity anonymous. Likewise, John is the only one who identifies the woman as Mary. 

Additionally, Matthew and Mark begin by stating that it is two days before Passover, whereas John 12 appears to indicate that it was six days. Could this be a simple error on Matthew and Mark’s, or John’s part (or a later translation)? Or maybe Mary does the same thing twice, once in front of Lazarus, where Judas criticizes her at Simon’s house, then four days later, when the other disciples criticize her at a different location while Judas is elsewhere? Some have suggested that Lazarus is another name for “Simon the Leper” because, in the parable of the rich man and Lazarus in Luke 16:19-31, the man named Lazarus had a skin disease (presumably leprosy). All of these have problems, and the solution is that at least two or three out of four of them are separate events (Matthew and Mark are the same events).

Matthew 26:
Matthew 26:1-13 begins with Jesus stating that there are two more days until Passover and warning his disciples that he will soon be betrayed, killed, and crucified. Meanwhile, the Pharisees were gathered together, plotting to kill Jesus. Then the setting shifts to Jesus visiting the home of Simon, a former leper, who lived in Bethany. While they were eating, a woman came in and anointed his head with expensive perfume. The disciples became upset because the perfume was wasted, as it could have been given to the poor. Jesus reprimanded them, saying she was anointing him for his soon-coming burial. Mark 14:1-9 recounts the same story as Matthew, with minor distinctions, such as the narrator informing us that it was two days before Passover, and the fact that the oil was spikenard.

Luke 7:
Luke 7:36-50 appears similar to the others, but it is pretty different. The dinner host is Simon the Pharisee, and since he is a Pharisee, it is improbable that he is the same Simon who was recently healed of leprosy, as mentioned in the Matthew and Mark accounts above. There is no indication that Jesus recently healed Simon. He shows no compassion for the woman and is disgusted by the idea of Jesus letting her touch him, which would imply he wasn’t recently healed of a disease that categorized him as unclean and untouchable until he was healed. Also, the city is not mentioned, so the setting may not be Bethany. In addition, the woman anointing Jesus is unnamed and simply categorized as a “major sinner.”

Furthermore, there is no mention of the disciples chastising her; only the judgmental thoughts of Simon the Pharisee are recorded. Simon is questioning why Jesus is allowing her, a sinful woman, to anoint and wash his feet with her hair and tears. There is no mention of the perfume being poured on his head, nor does Jesus mention his burial. Jesus gave Simon a parable about a debtor who forgave two people each of their debts, one had a bigger debt, and the lesson was that the one with the bigger debt is more grateful. Likewise, the woman is thanking Jesus for forgiving her of her large debt (her sins). Jesus then tells him that she did things that he, as the host, should have done, such as offering him water to wash his feet, greeting him with a kiss, and providing a cool, wet cloth for his head, along with other traditional hospitalities expected of the host in that culture. Jesus forgives her sins, and she leaves, and some other men who are dinner guests grumble about his authority to forgive sins.    

John 12:
In John 12:1-11, the account is more similar to those in Matthew and Mark. The setting is Bethany, but it is six days before Passover, and Jesus is in the company of Lazarus (who had been raised) and his sisters, with no mention of Simon. John simply states that he was with Lazarus, Martha, and Mary, but he doesn’t specify whose home they are in. Additionally, it is only Judas who criticizes the woman, according to John. John states that Judas was the disciples’ treasurer and was stealing from them, so he was a hypocrite since he didn’t care about giving the perfume money to the poor. He just wanted to steal his portion of it. Also, this woman is identified as Mary (the sister of Martha & Lazarus), and she is washing Jesus’s feet with her hair, but there is no mention of her crying. Jesus’ response to Judas’ critique is the same as what he said to the disciples in the accounts of Matthew and Mark. John, like Mark, also mentions that the oil was spikenard.

Examining the facts:
One view some scholars have taken is that Matthew, Mark, and John describe the same event, but Luke presents a different account. The location is not mentioned in Luke’s account, so the home of Simon the Pharisee may be somewhere in Galilee, rather than Bethany. This is based on the preceding writing and the events that follow in Luke 7 (also in Matthew 11), which all occur in Galilee. The events preceding the anointing in Luke 7 are the same as those in Matthew 11, where John the Baptist sends his disciples to ask if Jesus is the Messiah, indicating that John is alive at this time. Therefore, this can’t be the same dinner that took place after Jesus raised Lazarus, because that event occurred immediately before Jesus was crucified. Herod Antipas executed John over a year before the crucifixion of Jesus (Matthew 14:10, Mark 6:27, Luke 9:9). 

This means that the Luke 7 dinner occurs first, up to two years before the other accounts. Since the disciples are not mentioned, it is possible that Simon the Pharisee only invited Jesus, not his disciples. Luke’s Gospel is built on eyewitness testimony (Luke 1:1-4), so he must have spoken to someone who was there to obtain this specific information. Additionally, Jesus speaks directly to the woman and forgives her sins. Simon the Pharisee is the only one mentioned as having a problem with what she is doing, and there is no mention of the disciples. Plus, the woman is unnamed, and there is no mention of Jesus’ death or preparation for his burial; instead, he sees this as a form of the sin offering, asking for repentance. Notice that the woman from the Mark, Matthew, and John accounts does not cry during those dinners, so this is another distinction between her and the woman from Luke 7.

Looking at the other accounts, the perfume cost the same (300 denari) in Matthew, Mark, and John’s accounts. Mark & Matthew either don’t know the accuser is Judas or are just leaving his identity anonymous. Meanwhile, John reveals Judas as the accuser, which potentially shows this moment of Judas’ public embarrassment by Jesus. This could have been the initial motivation for (or the last straw leading to) his betrayal of Jesus. This suggests that the two days mentioned in Matthew and Mark are directed at the conversation within the Sanhedrin council as they plot to kill Jesus, rather than a reference to when the dinner happens which starts in Mark 14:3/Matthew 26:6. The setting at the beginning of the chapter in both versions talks about the plot to kill Jesus by the Sanhedrin. Then Judas shows up to meet with the Sanhedrin as they are discussing this. Judas’s appearance before the Sanhedrin to betray Jesus for the 30 pieces of silver isn’t mentioned until after the dinner (Matt 26:14-16 & Mark 14:10-11). 

The dinner scene in these two accounts (Matthew 26:6-13 and Mark 14:3-9) disrupts the story of Judas’s betrayal. Therefore, the authors may be placing the dinner scene here as a flashback, illustrating why Judas chose to betray Jesus at this point. This would allow the dinner to be held six days before Passover, but the betrayal meeting to occur four days later. That would explain why there is no mention of Judas’ betrayal in John 12, just the diner where Judas gets embarrassed. While Judas is the connecting thread between Matthew, Mark, and John, his meeting with the Sanhedrin and the actual dinner may be happening at different times. Luke’s Gospel records the betrayal meeting in Luke 22:1-6, but the dinner at Bethany is not mentioned, indicating that these are two separate events.

One potential question that remains is why Matthew and Mark’s accounts mention Simon the Leper’s house, but there is no mention of Lazarus and his sisters, while John’s account states that they were with Lazarus’ family. Some modern translations suggest that the setting of the dinner in John 12 is Lazarus’ house, but the Greek text doesn’t contain the word “house” (οἰκία) as it does in Matthew and Mark, so it is not certain that Lazarus’ house is meant. However, a simple solution is that Simon the Leper invited Lazarus and his sisters to the dinner, and Martha agreed that she and Mary would help prepare and serve the food. All three accounts are in Bethany, so it’s easy to imagine they all knew each other. Lastly, this would mean that Jesus’ head (according to Matthew and Mark) and feet (according to John) were anointed and washed by Mary with her hair.

In conclusion, the dinner event happens six days before Passover. It is Mary who anoints Jesus; Judas scolds her, Jesus condemns him, and Judas, embarrassed at the dinner, goes to the Sanhedrin Council to betray Jesus four days later. Matthew and Mark placed this dinner during the story of Judas’s betrayal to show his motive. Meanwhile, Luke’s account is a separate dinner altogether with a Pharisee named Simon, involving a different unknown woman.

Alternative theory:
Apologetics ministry Answers in Genesis (linked below) presents various possibilities, including a version of the preceding theory. Additionally, they present a scenario involving three distinct events. With this theory, the John 12 dinner happens when Jesus arrives in Jerusalem for “Palm Sunday” (the Sunday before Resurrection Day), because it is six days before Passover; meanwhile, the Matthew 26 and Mark 14 dinners are four days later (two days before Passover). In John, they are at Lazarus’ house or somewhere separate from Simon the Leper’s home, and only Judas has a problem with the oil being used on Jesus by Mary. In Matthew and Mark, all the disciples have a problem with the perfume’s waste, simply parroting what Judas said previously without learning the lesson of Jesus’ initial scolding of that critique. Judas is either anonymous, silent, or absent from this dinner in Matthew and Mark’s accounts. If Judas is lacking at this second dinner in Matthew and Mark’s accounts, then it could be because he is meeting with the Pharisees to betray Jesus. The woman (who is unnamed) only anoints Jesus’ head and not his feet, but she doesn’t use her hair at all, unlike Mary from John 12:3, who uses her hair. Luke’s dinner account is still considered separate because it is an entirely distinct event that occurred while John the Baptist was still alive.

To conclude, the John dinner takes place six days before Passover, at Lazarus’ home (or somewhere other than Simon’s house), and it is his sister Mary who pours out the spikenard. Then, four days late,r while the Pharisees are plotting to kill Jesus, the Matthew/Mark dinner happens and the disciples are repeating what Judas said a few days before in response to the wasting of perfume but this time towards a different unnamed woman who is repeating what Mary did but without using her hair. Meanwhile, Judas is either silent or absent, possibly because he is meeting with the Sanhedrin to plan Jesus’s betrayal.

Resources:
Answers in Genesis article on this subject

An excerpt from the wiki page on Simon the Leper:
“Because of some similarities, efforts have been made to reconcile the events and characters, but some scholars have pointed out differences between the two events.[7] An alternative explanation for the similarities is that the Luke 7 anointing and the anointing at Bethany[8][9][10] happened with some of the same participants, but several years apart.[11] Simon the Leper is also sometimes identified as the same person as Lazarus of Bethany or identified as his father or brother[citation needed]. This is because Matthew and Mark mention Simon, while John mentions Lazarus, but all four gospels assume one lodging at Bethany during the last week. Abbé Drioux identified all three as one: Lazarus of Bethany, Simon the Leper of Bethany, and the Lazarus of the parable, on the basis that in the parable Lazarus is depicted as a leper, and due to a perceived coincidence between Luke 22:2 and John 12:10—where after the raising of Lazarus, Caiaphas and Annas tried to have him killed. More on Simon the Leper Wiki.