Is it a sin to talk about sex? The Bible mentions sex a lot. The world has redefined the use of sex into a free-flowing anything-goes framework rather than following the biblical model of being confined to a set-apart couple made of complementary sexes.
In today’s world, children are being exposed to sex earlier and earlier in media and entertainment, as well as in education. Could part of this be the church’s fault? For a long time, the church has hidden sex from public discourse and even created a culture where people lied to kids about it by saying that babies come from cabbage patches or storks, rather than being honest and teaching them the biblical foundations for it. How is lying about that stuff any different from lying about Santa and the Easter Bunny? This systematic construct of lying to children for no reason can hurt children’s ability to trust their parents. If the parents are lying about sex, Santa, the Tooth Fairy, and the Easter Bunny, then what is to stop a kid from thinking they are lying about God?
One may say, well, kids are too young for sex talk. That is the main argument by Western Christians against the secular education system when trying to prevent them from teaching children about LGBT issues, right? I think that is hypocritical, and the whole reason we are in this mess. If kids knew from their parents that boys have a penis and girls have a vagina at an early age then, this would be a defense mechanism against the subversions of the biblical model by the culture. However, when Christians pretend sex doesn’t exist, then it opens a door for anti-biblical ideologies to say, “you’ve been lied to”. This is what Satan did to Eve in the Garden in Genesis 3:1-7. Satan says that God lied and is hiding godhood from humanity in the forbidden fruit rather than death. They believed it even though God did not lie; however, imagine how much worse it is when “satan is right” because the parent did lie.
There is a movie from the 90s called “Kindergarten Cop” and in the film, there is a scene where a little boy stands up and says, “boys have a penis, and girls have a vagina”. Kids can know these things and it won’t make them horny, because prepubescent children are not being pumped with sex hormones yet. So why are people scared of “the birds and bees” talk? The parents are in fear for no reason, and that is not a biblical response. It’s called “the birds and the bees” as a reference to the basics of plant reproduction, and the idea is to work up to animals from that, and apply animal reproduction teaching to humans, and the kids will get it. It doesn’t have to be a complete lesson with anatomical drawings and contraceptive methods; that is for teenagers. They should know that animals and plants reproduce based on seed, time, and harvest (Gen 8:22). Then, the simple concept that sexually reproducing creatures have complementary sexes (male and female), and these sexes have physical traits that distinguish them, the first of which is their genitals. They don’t need deep discussions of hormones or something high-level with advanced scientific nomenclature. Just the basics of the fact babies come from when a boy and a girl grow up, get married, and the boy gives the girl a seed from his body, that goes into her belly, and that forms into a baby and comes out of her, just like when a seed is planted in the ground.
In the eras in which the biblical authors lived, it would not have been as easy to lie to their kids about this stuff since most people lived on or around farms. When the animals were copulating, that meant an increase in livestock and more money, so it was a celebratory event that parents would share with their kids when new baby animals were born. There was no need for a parent to lie and say the cow and bull are “wrestling”. Sex is not evil; it simply has a specific context. Unfortunately, sex has been stigmatized by the church for a long time. Old church fathers came up with the idea that sex for pleasure in marriage was a sin, and sex was to be “tolerated” only for reproduction. I believe this came from taking the Old Testament laws about ritual impurity out of context. In the Old Covenant, contact with sexual fluids via intercourse, menstruation, or seminal emission made a person unclean until the following evening (in the case of sex and ejaculation), or for the whole week (in the case of menstrual fluid). Paul made it clear that none of this was true in 1 Corinthians 7. In verses 1-2, he does say that marriage will help quell the lust in the church, and while he encourages being a eunuch later in the chapter, he never says that it is sinful to enjoy one’s marriage. Otherwise, he would not have said what he says in verses 3-5, encouraging couples to have as much sex as they want, only breaking for a few days to fast.
1 Corinthians 7:3 (NLT) The husband should fulfill his wife’s sexual needs, and the wife should fulfill her husband’s needs. 4 The wife gives authority over her body to her husband, and the husband gives authority over his body to his wife. 5 Do not deprive each other of sexual relations, unless you both agree to refrain from sexual intimacy for a limited time so you can give yourselves more completely to prayer. Afterward, you should come together again so that Satan won’t be able to tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
There are some Christians who believe any sex position outside of the “missionary position” is a sin. The missionary position is called missionary because colonial-era missionaries told indigenous people that it was a sin to have sex any other way. Their logic is that the man is supposed to be the head of his wife (1 Cor 11:3), and therefore, he must be on top of her. Some modern Christians who carry this theology may add that all other sex positions are sinful because of their promotion in books like the Kama Sutra, which is a Hindu book featuring sex positions. The claim is that the different sex positions are summoning demons. They likely believe the same thing about yoga positions. There is no biblical foundation for any of this; it’s all cultural speculation. A couple doesn’t need to read the Kama Sutra to have multiple sex positions. Anyone can look at nature documentaries that show animals having sex if they lack the creativity for their relationship. We can take Paul’s advice on following one’s conscience on things that are not explicitly stated in the Bible as sin. Paul advises doing this on issues of his day, such as vegetarianism, holidays, and idol meats, in Romans 14 and 1 Corinthians 8-10.
Let’s stop lying about sex and keep it in its biblical context. It is not a sin to have sex when married, it is not a sin to enjoy sex when married, or have it without the intention of making babies. If it were the Torah, it would have said so. The only forbidden sex act in the Torah, even in a biblically allowed heterosexual marriage, is menstruation sex (Lev 18:19, Lev 20:18-19, Ezekiel 18:6), and punishment for that (sotning) couldn’t be enforced so easily since the people have to be caught in the act (Deut 17:6-7). In the New Covenant, Christ died for our sins so that no sin can be punished with stoning anymore.
If sex positions or enjoyment were a sin, God would have said so, and if kids knew how babies are made (even livestock) were a sin, then God would have said so. Instead, teach the kids the truth, and use wisdom for an age-appropriate discussion. That way, they can enter the secular world knowing what God teaches and won’t be deceived. Telling them that their genitals are not to be touched by anyone other than their parents or doctor is also an essential aspect of this. What they don’t learn from their parents, they will learn from the world, and if parents wait until their children are teenagers, it may be too late.
The following is from an article about the Doctrine of Original Sin, while I don’t share views on original sin theology, they have some interesting church history to share about the topic of sin specifically sexual.
From the Article:
“In fact, one specific heretical group of early Christianity proposed a way of thinking called Encraticism, which taught basically three things:
First, that marriage itself was a sin because it was ‘stained’ by the uncleanliness of sexual relation. Sex discouraged any kind of spiritual relationship with God. Therefore, only perfect chastity could signify the resurrection of Christ.
Second, marriage belongs to the old order of reality. In other words, Christ came to put an end to the Law; and marriage was part of that law. Julius Cassianus, who supported Encraticism, was reported by Clement of Alexandria as saying, ‘The Savior has transformed us and sets us free of the error of the union of the sexes’ (Stromata 3:13).
Third, since Christ wasn’t married, chastity is part of the imitation of Jesus. Encraticism linked sexuality and procreation with the continuation of the kingdom of death. As long as people continued to get married and have children, death would reign.
Clement of Alexandria
Church Fathers Come to the Defense of Marriage…Sort of…
It was Clement of Alexandria, (150-216 AD), who was instrumental in defending marriage against the charges of Encraticism. He argued that marriage was instituted by God, and that sexuality was willed by God for the procreation of the human race. He went on to say that it was in marriage that man can take part in the creative work of God. In short, he was trying to affirm a positive view of marriage and of creation.
Unfortunately, the influence of Stoicism and Neo-Platonism came out in Clement’s thought too. Although it is true that people share in God’s creative work through procreation, Clement soon came to the conclusion that this was the only reason for sex in marriage. He believed that husbands should “cohabit with their wives with self-control and only for the purpose of begetting children” (Stromata 3:11). He also believed that to have sex without intending children was an outrage against nature. And finally, he said, “A man who marries for the sake of begetting children must practice continence so that it is not desire he feels for his wife, whom he ought to love (Stromata 3:7).”
“ V.A. Demant, in his book, Christian Sex in Ethics, crystallized the evolution of the Church’s theology of sexuality and marriage in this way:
“It is the period from the second century until well into the Middle Ages where sex was regarded as an enemy of the Spirit, where virginity is exalted, where there is a flight from erotic love and from all earthly ties, where woman was held to be the embodiment of sex and the mediatix of damnation” (36).”
Kindergarten Cop Clip starting at 2:32:
https://youtu.be/k96h1dYQrj0?t=152