Is the concept of soulmates truly biblical? It’s valid to a certain extent, but not universally applicable to everyone in the same way.

A lot of people believe that God has specific people assigned to particular others for marriage. However, I wonder if this is truly limited to one person for another person. What if the ideal candidate isn’t available because they died or are married to someone else? Does that mean we must be celibate for the rest of our lives if they are deceased or never divorced? People make choices, and actions have consequences (sowing and reaping). Paul even says the wages of sin is death (Rom 6:23). We know from God’s word that he does not cause people to sin (James 1:13-15), so when someone does die as a result of sin does that mean their soulmate is doomed because that person stepped out of God’s will? If the soul mate chooses to marry someone else, are they in sin? Would God require them to get a divorce to marry the right person? 

Tamar, Judah’s wife at the end of Genesis 38, was originally the widow of both his oldest sons, from his deceased first wife. However, because he withheld his last son instead of going with the Levirate marriage custom of widows marrying the late husband’s male relatives, she seduced him and ended up becoming his second wife. One of David’s wives, Abigail, was a widow (1 Sam ch. 25), whose husband died because he neglected David when he was on the run. Both Abigail’s husband, Nabal, and Judah’s oldest sons, Er and Onan, were all killed by God for their wickedness. Does this mean God killed them so they could be with their soulmates? I’m not entirely sure about that. Perhaps in the case of Tamar, because Perez came from her and is traced through the lineage to Jesus, but the Bible doesn’t have much more to say about Daniel (Abigail’s son with David).

Proverbs 18:22 says, “he that findeth a wife finds it a good thing”. Does that imply that a man has options and can choose a wife he finds good and compatible with? On the contrary, the story of Isaac and Rebecca has a bit of divine matchmaking. In Genesis 24, Abraham sent his servant to find a wife for Isaac in the land of Aram. When the servant arrives, he finds a well and prays to God that the right woman will come to the well and offer to water his camels (vv. 10-14). Rebecca does precisely what the servant asks, fulfilling his revelation prayer request, and he eventually brings her back. Another instance of divine matchmaking that I am aware of is the story of Esther, where she marries the King of Persia and ultimately saves the Jews from a plot by a government official to annihilate them.

Genesis 2:24 says a man shall leave his father and mother and cleave unto his wife, and they shall be one flesh. It says “his” wife, but does that mean this wife was pre-assigned to him, or does that mean it’s his wife because he chose her? In Genesis 28, Jacob decided his wife Rachel, although he had been tricked into marrying her sister, Leah, as his first wife. Almost every main character in the Old Testament (whose wives were known) either chose their wives or others gave them wives. Jacob, Esau, Moses, David, and the kings all chose wives. We can presume Sarah was selected for Abraham by his father since she was his half-sister, but Keturah (Abraham’s second wife in Gen 25:1-4) was most likely his direct choice.

Meanwhile, Ishmael had an arranged marriage made by his mother (Gen 21:21). Joseph was given a wife from among the priest’s daughters by the pharaoh (Gen 41:45). This could mean they gave him a woman to marry, or Joseph had a choice between however many daughters the priest had. Boaz chose to marry Ruth as a Levirate wife so that she could produce an heir to inherit the land of Elimelech. Boaz went the extra mile to get the rights to marry her from another closer male relative to Naomi.

The New Testament is very different since the focus is not bloodline preservation, which uses methods like polygamy to ensure the people are preserved, but instead getting people born again spiritually for the Kingdom of God. Unfortunately, the New Testament provides no reference to how one finds a wife in any of Paul’s letters (or Peter’s) when discussing marriage; in fact, Paul is celibate and encourages celibacy. He primarily focuses on the marriage model, emphasizing how it should follow the example of Christ as the husband and the church as his wife. In 1st Corinthians 7, he gives more in-depth instructions on marriage. Still, they mostly center around marrying if you can’t control your lust, favoring reconciliation over divorce (even in the case of an unbelieving spouse), and how celibacy is preferred but not required because it gives you more time to work on God’s work.

I have yet to see anything that shows a consistent pattern of God specifically assigning one specific person to another for marriage. I’m willing to accept that there are particular scenarios where a married couple has a higher calling as a pair. This is possibly true for those in the lineage of Jesus, as well as for marriages that will have a significant impact on God’s people, such as Esther’s marriage to King Ahasuerus, also known as Xerxes. Meanwhile, every day, regular people can marry whoever they want, and ideally, they use godly wisdom in the selection. In the Old Covenant, the priests had specific marriage restrictions, which limited them to only marrying a virgin or a Levite widow (Lev 21:13-15 & Ez 44:22); meanwhile, regular people can marry anyone they want (Jew, Gentile, prostitute, widow, divorcee, virgin, etc).

Even if it is true and God orchestrated all marriages, the people in the Bible never explicitly expressed that God provides a specific spouse for everyone. Rebekah and Isaac were the rare exceptions, and Xerxes and Ester had a particular purpose. There are questions about how the concept of a soulmate factors in marriages that turn out badly, are abusive, and end up in divorce (or murder). Was there no other option? Was the bad marriage necessary to get to the better one? The gift of getting married is more about the blessing of having a lifelong partnership and being able to start a family, rather than about finding the “perfect” match. It may be true for certain types of people, where God requires a specific couple with specific character attributes to accomplish a particular task. Still, it isn’t a universal principle that applies to all people.

With that being said, I think that when using wisdom to filter people out, there may only be a handful of people on the whole planet who are suitable matches for each person without disrupting their life’s calling. I don’t think the exact framework of single soulmates for each person would apply to everyone on earth equally. It may not be necessary for every Christian couple to be a pair of specific soulmates who serve the kingdom in a particular way. Not everyone gets saved, and not everyone gets married, so I think it is possible God gives some people a single soulmate for primary purposes, while others have a small range of options that would be best matches. I believe that the range of ideal candidates is minimal for most people and would be narrowed down by godly wisdom and following the Holy Spirit. However, if the last available candidates are all equal, then those people can choose the one they like the most. Lastly, after the resurrection, no one will be married in eternity anyway, so that marital choice in itself won’t impact a person’s eternity. I believe that multiple individuals of both sexes can have overlapping callings, so there will always be good matches regardless of the choice a person makes.